Slovak-Czech Beer Review

This is a review of 23 different Slovak and Czech Beers. Each beer has a comment from both Sara and I, a rating out of 10 from each of us, an avg. rating, a price (per 1/2 litre bottle), the alcohol percentage, which country it comes from, and my special category the price per alcohol percentage (PP%) so you can figure out how cheap it is to get drunk off of said beer. The prices are listed in Euros but 1 Euro is about $1.66 Canadian. If you’ve sampled any of the beers on the list please feel free to make a comment on them. We really don’t know much about beer tasting and sometimes we were too drunk to accurately rate the beers but I think the list is pretty good. Looking for more information on Slovak beer? The Slovak Beer Guide will have you covered.

BUDWEISER BUDVAR

Sara: A beer you can rely on. 7
Ryan: Much better than the rip-off American Budweiser. I say 7
Avg. 7
Price: 0.79 €
%: 5
PP%: € 0.16
CZ

CORGON

Sara: The sexy dude on the bottle looks like he’s carrying a case — bring that case to my house! This beer is delicious. 9
Ryan: The most popular beer in all of Slovakia. It’s not hard to see why. This beer is just plain tasty. 8
Avg. 8.5
Price: 0.55 €
%: 4.8
PP%: € 0.11
SK

GAMBRINUS

Sara: It’s good. I’m pretty drunk. 6.5
Ryan: Probably the most popular beer in the Czech Republic and I can see why — it’s delicious! 8
Avg. 7.25
Price: 0.57 €
%: 4.1
PP%: € 0.14
CZ

GEMER

Sara: It’s kind of tastless. I don’t really like it. 4
Ryan: I like it. It doesn’t have much to it but it certainly doesn’t taste bad. 6
Avg. 5
Price: 0.36 €
%: 3.1
PP%: € 0.12
SK

KELT

Sara: Tastes a little weak but good. This is a beer you could drink all night. 7.5
Ryan: A clear, fresh taste… and it’s cheap. I can buy a 3 litre bottle of this for $1.50! 8
Avg. 7.75
Price: 0.40 €
%: 4.2
PP%: € 0.09
SK

KOZEL PREMIUM

Sara: Tastes watery and leaves a bad after-taste. 3
Ryan: About as smooth as a 13 year old McDonald’s employee’s face… 5
Avg. 4
Price: 0.56 €
%: 4.8
PP%: € 0.12
CZ

KOZEL SVETLY

Sara: The first beer on a Friday night after a long day of work. So yeah, it tasted good. 8.5
Ryan: This is much better than the premium version. Maybe I’m just an economy kind of guy… 8
Avg. 8.25
Price: 0.48 €
%: 4
PP%: € 0.12
CZ

KRUSOVICE

Sara: Goes great with spaghetti and meatballs. 8
Ryan: Pretty impressive. This is the type of beer that could make a guy settle down. 8
Avg. 8
Price: 0.76 €
%: 5
PP%: € 0.15
CZ

PALATIN

Sara: Delicious dark beer. Not too strong. I like it. 8.5
Ryan: It’s one step down from Guiness on the darkness factor… Also smooth. It’s like Dwight Howard. 8
Avg. 8.25
Price: 0.59 €
%: 5.1
PP%: € 0.12
SK

PANDUR

Sara: Mm. Is that a hint of wheat? Panda Beer. Haha. I wanna give it a 9 but if you feel that’s ridiculous then drop it down to an 8. 8
Ryan: Tesco brand beer. For that reason it can’t score a 9. It is good though. Kind of a fruity taste to it. Bonus points because it scored the highest in the price per alcohol percentage category. 7
Avg. 7.5
Price: 0.28 €
%: 4.1
PP%: € 0.07
SK

PILSNER URQUELL

Sara: An average beer. Not offensive. I dunno. 5.5
Ryan: I’m not a fan. It’s a little charcoaly. Frankly, I’m a little offended by it. 3
Avg. 4.25
Price: 0.90 €
%: 4.4
PP%: € 0.21
CZ

POPPER PREMIUM

Sara: Not much of a taste to it. I wish it tasted more like beer. 3
Ryan: Not too bad. A bit of a nasty finish to it though. A good beer if you are looking to get drunk for cheap — homeless man style. 6
Avg. 4.5
Price: 0.39 €
%: 5
PP%: € 0.08
SK

SARIS

Sara: Effervescent! 7.5
Ryan: Like a catholic school girl, this beer goes down easy. 7
Avg. 7.25
Price: 0.45 €
%: 4.1
PP%: € 0.11
SK

SMADNY MNICH

Sara: MMMM! I like Thirsty Monk. It’s good. Much better in a bottle than a can. 8
Ryan: That’s some tasty monk juice… I love the monk on the label. He’s like, “Hey, I’m thirsty!” 8
Avg. 8
Price: 0.36 €
%: 4.3
PP%: € 0.08
SK

STAROBRNO

Ryan: Maybe it’s the early weekend but I’m thinking this beer is fucking phenomenal. 9
Sara: Maybe it’s the fact that my boyfriend has an early weekend and I don’t but this beer tastes bitter sweet. 7
Avg. 8
Price: 0.48 €
%: 4
PP%: € 0.12
CZ

STAROPRAMEN LEZAK

Sara (frustrated): It’s delicious. Like every other beer. I hope I cooked enough pasta. 7
Ryan: Staropramen = Old Spring Well. The Lezak version is a little less dark… I don’t want to say lighter because it sounds like it’s not as strong. I’m not very good at this. 7
Avg. 7
Price: 0.69 €
%: 5
PP%: € 0.14
CZ

STAROPRAMEN GRANAT

Ryan: God-damn good. Granat means bomb — this beer is da bomb. 8
Sara: I like it… It’s average. I wouldn’t say it’s da bomb (not just because I would never use that phrase). 7
Avg. 7.5
Price: 0.55 €
%: 4.8
PP%: € 0.11
CZ

STEIGER

Sara: Tastes like homeless man beer. 2
Ryan: Sara, you shouldn’t be so hard on it. Look on the bright side – it’s cheap (although there is cheaper), it gets you drunk (although there are beers that will get you drunker). Fuck you Steiger! 4
Avg. 3
Price: 0.36 €
%: 4
PP%: € 0.09
SK

STEIN VYCAPNY

Sara: It’s good but not as good as others. I give it a 6.
Ryan: It’s whatever. I prefer the stronger Stein. 6
Avg. 6
Price: 0.33 €
%: 4.1
PP%: € 0.08
SK

STEIN LEZIAK

Sara (angry): It tastes fucking organic and wheaty. I dunno. This is stupid we don’t know anything about beer. 7
Ryan: Bratislava’s only home-brewed beer. The locals criticise it but it tastes good to me. 7
Avg. 7
Price: 0.45 €
%: 5
PP%: € 0.09
SK

TOPVAR

Sara: Very delicious! 9
Ryan: If I had to pick a way to die, drowning in Topvar would be an option. 9
Avg. 9
Price: 0.55 €
%: 5
PP%: € 0.11
SK

ZLATY BAZANT

Sara: My favourite Slovak beer. A quality beer. On tap, in a can, in a bottle — it’s all good. 9.5
Ryan: “Golden Pheasant” is Bratislava’s bars’ favourite draught beer. Heineken bought them out a while back… just goes to show you that Heineken has good taste. 9
Avg. 9.25
Price: 0.63 €
%: 5
PP%: € 0.13
SK